There is NEVER a time when you will know everything you need to know about marriage.
Waiting to date until you’re “ready” is like waiting to enroll in college because you want to read all the books for class BEFORE anyone teaches you.
You’re going to learn & grow as you go. The secret to success in your marriage is to have a community of support to lean on when you hit a bump in your relationship.
Myth #3: God requires lifelong celibacy
This one is tough, so I’m gonna ask you to stay with me. I was a guest speaker at a Bible study called “the truth about fornication.” The pastor challenged the congregation to find the scripture that says “an unmarried man and an unmarried woman shall not have sex.” They were unable to because the scripture doesn’t exist.
However, Christian singles have been told if they “fornicate” they are condemned. They are told to do purity ceremonies and to take life-long vows of celibacy. Yet, over 80% of Christians are sexually active!
Many of them carry around burdens of guilt & shame and think that marriage is now outside of their reach because of their sin.
Let’s be clear: I am NOT saying because there’s no scripture on premarital sex that singles can do what they want. The Bible is clear about sexual immorality and our call to honor God with our bodies.
But God’s answer to sexual temptation is marriage, not life-long celibacy.
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 1 Corinthians 7:2 (ERV)
This is a call to change the way we teach these standards so that women don’t leave singles’ conferences thinking that not having sex is the only thing God is concerned about.
We have to stop calling women who want marriage “desperate” and women who do engage in premarital sex “Jezebels!”
Instead we need to create better frameworks for helping singles understand their relationship to God. He’s not their boyfriend!
And we need to equip them with actual, practical tools and resources that help them get married (If they want to) instead of telling them to just pray more, read more, and give more so that God will send them a mate.
BMWK, do you think wanting a man makes a woman desperate?
Brit says
Let the church say Amen!!!! To answer your question, no. It does not make a woman look desperate. The woman I just honest with her feelings. I am about to email this out to some of my girls who are still stuck in the “Jesus is my man mindset”. Thank you for this wonderful information.
Aesha says
Thank you, Brit, for reading! I hope this helps your friends 🙂
latisha harrison says
This article is so true on so many levels. Thank you so much for writing this article
KK says
Great Great Article! I loved it. I heard so much off balance preaching: “Stay in church, go to all the services, and your husband will find you there”.. and that “The singles are supposed to run the church.” Instead of letting the Lord expand your territory and ENJOY your season–travel, play golf, etc. God wants us to reach people everywhere not just in church. I’d like to see more ministries teach what you spoke about in this article, including HOW TO set healthy boundaries and mindful expectations, and dating with integrity. When sex stops being such a taboo subject, we can probably be more effective in teaching singles how to manage those natural feelings before marriage. I believe God has a mate for whoever is believing him for a spouse and He will deal with each of us individually and also uniquely. God is faithful.
Sherry says
So true ….God is faithful and He knows what we need before we call on Him.
TMF says
This article is a breath of fresh air!! Loved every word! I had a pastor who preached just about every point stated in this article and later found out after leaving that church that he had several marital problems. He left all of his single congregants feeling like we were never going to be ready.
I’ve listened to so many married people speak against marriage and give all the wonderful reasons to stay single to the point that I don’t really desire marriage any longer. The best one is “You can do more for God as a single person.” Any Christian would want to please God so when a single person hears this we bury ourselves in a bunch of dead works thinking that being busy for God will produce a spouse. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor…” So how can we do more for God as a single person when scripture says that two is better than one?
Thank you for writing this very powerful article!
Sharron M says
Thanks for writing this article because I can relate to all 3 myths. I am a single parent with an 11 yr old son. When his father and I divorced nearly 10 yrs ago, dating has been downhill for me. Yet, Im single and my primary focus is to grow even stronger in my relationship with God, not in a man. Next, Im trying to raise my son(with God’s help)as best as I know how. Last but not least, Im trying to focus on my career to the best of my ability. I do desire to remarry, but only if Im permitted to and Im happy to admit that Im also a celibate woman who seems to make demons flee when it comes to dating. For some reason, I don’t reach the 6 months mark with any man, oh well!!!
Renee says
As per one of the quotes in the introductory portion of this article, it appears that it’s fine to date someone who is outside the church. In other words, being unequally yoked should be acceptable. Okay.
In Genesis we are told that it’s not good to be alone, so God did indeed create a helpmate who was suitable for him, Eve. God knew the right time to create Eve – when Adam was asleep; and when to present her – when he woke up. If I believe in creation, and God’s perfect timing, then I need to place my faith that as I go about His business, that He equipped me to do, then in His timing, I will meet my mate. He dictates my pace, not society. I have free will, yes, but I surrender that to Him. I honestly can not support circumventing God’s laws to satisfy my needs when I know better. If I were out in the world, fine, that’s one standard. However, I know better than to date someone who does not share my beliefs. I just can’t compromise on that mandate.
Anonymous says
I didn’t get from her article that you should date someone who isn’t a Christian. What I got from it is you may not meet your spouse in the church. Staying in church all the time won’t guarantee that you will meet a godly spouse there. For example, I was born & raised in church & served in church my entire life. I met my ex in church. We were both busy in church, but his level of commitment to God wasn’t what I thought it was & it brought a lot of heartache into our marriage. You are more likely to meet your spouse when you get out & enjoy life. Travel, participate in hobbies, attend social events, etc. You can meet Christians in other places too besides church. Plus, you will want someone who is balanced & not just in church all the time.
Renee says
My understanding of church is the body of Christ, and not the actual structure. Consequently, when I hear / read the phrase “don’t date outside of the church”, I don’t limit it to not dating someone who is not in my actual church building, I interpret that as not dating a non-Christian. Certainly Christians should be well-rounded and involved in activities outside of the church – I certainly am. However, I believe that Christ is the foundation on which we should build / balance our lives and very existence.
FRED GRANT says
Well….I can remember an incident where I met a young lady that made a claim..she didn’t need a man because God hasn’t sent her one…So one day…she was showing me around her place…she showed me her big..walk in closet…and accidentally tipped over a paper bag….Guess what was in it….batteries and sex toys…I said…now I know the real reason you don’t need a man….and God has nothing to do with it…You may wanna’ check your answers to the question…”Why don’t you need a man?”….PEACE!!!!