By Judi Mason
Please note: This article is not intended to be offensive. It is meant as a wakeup call. Please receive it in the loving concern in which it was sent.
In my travels, I have encountered a number of women (too many actually) that have expressed pain, regret and discontentment regarding their relationships. Out of desperation, these women have done things in an effort to keep a man that didn’t want to be kept. In their mind, having a half of a man is better than no man at all. Why are so many women choosing to settle when it comes to a man?
Women are constantly being bombarded by the media on how to find, keep and marry a man. But nowhere in these self help trilogies are women admonished to have self respect and dignity. The focus is solely on a woman satisfying a man, mentally, physically and sexually. This consistent message coupled with the lie that there are very few good men left has caused some women to lower their standards and do whatever it takes to keep a man. However, these choices have caused a lot of women to be miserable in their relationships.
The top complaints that I have heard from women are:
- He doesn’t love me
- He doesn’t respect me
- I can’t keep him
- I want my own man.
Let’s address each of these complaints one at a time.
He doesn’t love me
When I hear this statement, I ask a few questions: Did he deserve your love? Did he earn your love? Did you throw your love freely his way? Most of the time, the answer is that he did not earn my love. In that case, anyone will take something that is free. If you don’t put demands, restrictions or parameters around your heart/love, it will be taken for granted. Remember, you are a precious jewel and everyone can’t see your worth or your value. But those who are worthy of you, will recognize who and what you are. Take your time. Allow yourself to get to know people and let them earn the right to your heart/love. If you want to stop the hurt and the pain, make a decision to stop throwing your heart/love away to any and everybody. You deserve better.
He doesn’t respect me
My question is: Do you respect yourself? I had a 30 year old male colleague state:
“It’s a shame when a man has more respect for a woman than a woman has for herself.”
I have heard other men state:
“Women give of themselves sexually to easily”.
“In a new relationship, women should not have sex for at least 90 days, if that”.
“Men really prefer a woman not to have sex with them. It keeps the chase going. Don’t get me wrong, I will have sex with her but I would prefer her to say no. ”
It is a sad day when a man is having to tell a woman not to have sex or not to have sex to soon. Ladies, do you demand respect? Do you behave in an unladylike manner? Do you find yourself in precarious situations that you are ashamed of? Do you allow a man to speak to you in a disrespectful manner?
Does he call you or refer to you out of your name such as: “B” or a whore, etc? Is the answer to any of these questions, yes? If so, why? Do you think that this will help you get or keep a man? It won’t. Please don’t ever disrespect yourself for anyone. When you respect yourself, others will respect you. Always remember, your actions teach people how to treat you and they will follow your lead accordingly. Decide today to respect yourself and others will do the same.
Excellent advice. This confirms what I’ve been reading of late. Thanks for the encouragement and hope!
Earl Buckingham says
I have found a lot of very attractive Sisters to be unapproachable with sorry attitudes.
This happens to a woman that doesn’t know what a good man is. Most women choose a bad man and expect to turn him into a good man. Bad men or women are bad for a reason and won’t be good until they decide to change. Both men and women settle for these kind of relationships and then want sympathy from people when they get treated bad. At the end of the day, take responsibility and make better choices in your mate to avoid these kind of relationships.