by Harriet Hairston I just read about Eva Longoria and Tony Parker filing for divorce today on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. Typically these grounds are the basis for what lawyers call a "no-fault divorce." I would definitely beg to differ. There is no such thing as a no-fault divorce when it comes to married couples. Irreconcilable differences are … [Read more...]
Tests in Marriage: Which Ones Are You Taking?
by Harriet Hairston I taught my church's school of ministry for seven years. Out of all the lessons I either created or updated, "Tests of Ministry Preparation" has been the most valuable one overall. I taught that God will use anything and anyone to ensure the motives and actions of a person He called are fit for His use. Taken outside the context of the church and … [Read more...]
Conditioned Response vs. Emotional Investment
by Harriet Hairston A few weeks ago, E. Payne posted an article entitled, "Investing in an Emotional Letdown." It was about how many people attach emotions to plans, and when those plans are changed or cancelled at the last minute, how that becomes a liability to their psyche. Many women commented on the topic, and most were talking about how they knew exactly how being … [Read more...]
New Feature: BWMK Book Club!
You definitely want to stay tuned in the next couple of weeks for the debut of the new BMWK Book Club! What makes this book club different from others? Let me count just some of the ways: Featuring both independent and signed authors! Book giveaways and discount codes for purchase! At the end of each book, an opportunity to field your own questions and comments … [Read more...]
Just a Few More Words Can Make the Difference
by Harriet Hairston I've noticed in my years of marriage that avoiding disagreements is as simple as giving the other person a few more words. Consider the following scenario (names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty): Kevin and Jada are a married couple with a four year old son living in a small 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom home. Jada recently lost her … [Read more...]
On the Receiving End of an Apology
by Harriet Hairston When someone--namely your spouse--attempts to apologize to you after an accident, misunderstanding or wrongdoing, how do you respond? How would you like your spouse to respond? Before answering those questions, take a look at the following scenario: Rashid and Alana (names changed to protect both innocent and guilty) are a married couple about to … [Read more...]
Stop Drinking the Kool-Aid and Live in Reality! (Part 2)
by Harriet Hairston Gary Chapman's book, "Loving Solutions" discussed four marriage myths that lead people to divorce court in the United States: Myth 1: My state of mind is determined by my environment. Myth 2: People cannot change. Myth 3: When in a bad marriage, there are only two options: live a life of misery or get a divorce. Myth 4: Some situations … [Read more...]
Stop Drinking the Kool-Aid and Live in Reality! (Part 1)
by Harriet Hairston I just finished reading "Loving Solutions," a powerful book by Gary Chapman (author of acclaimed book, "The Five Love Languages") over the weekend. It was about getting beyond what society thinks are "impossibilities" and "irreconcilable differences" in a marriage. The thing I loved about this book was his comparison of divorce to homicide and … [Read more...]
How to Balance the Art and Science of Marriage
by Harriet Hairston Every marriage has its own heartbeat and DNA--a specific genetic code that identifies its purpose and destiny. Unfortunately, some are doomed to failure--not because they were never meant to be successful--because of cancerous cells within the marital unit that metastasize and spread until there is nothing healthy left to salvage. Every marriage … [Read more...]
First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes. . .
by Harriet Hairston Check out the title, y'all. Anyone in my age group (born in the late 70s - early 80s) can remember the little chant we used to do when making fun of our friends who were destined to date: Lamar and Ronnie sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes love, then comes marriage, Then comes a baby in a baby carriage! Hilarity ensues among the immature … [Read more...]
How Will You Talk About Sex With Your Kids?
by Harriet Hairston "Let's talk about sex, baby. . ." And truly, if we don't talk with our babies about it, they will be hearing the discussion from someone else eventually. When I was growing up, I was deathly afraid of having sex. My mom described it in terms of me getting pregnant, like the two could not be separated. Then she described labor like, "something … [Read more...]
The Four “Fowls” of Unhealthy Communication
by Harriet Hairston Ask anyone who has been married a day or five decades what three keys to a successful marriage are, and I can unequivocally tell you that at least 99% of the responses will include "healthy communication" in their responses. For some, this is a nebulous term that sends chills up and down their spine. For others, it is both a science and an art to … [Read more...]
The Four Seasons of Marriage
by Harriet Hairston Anybody with just one of their five senses can tell that change is in the air, some for better, some for worse. We are embarking upon Autumn. No matter how hot it is outside, the leaves on the trees tell of a different story. As they transform from green to auburn and burnt orange, I enjoy hearing the crunch of them under my feet as I walk. The … [Read more...]
The Power of the Middle Ground
by Harriet Hairston There comes a time in every marriage when both spouses must learn the art of compromise. This sounds like such an easy thing to do, but if you've been married a day or a decade, you will find at times that compromise eludes you. If you have ever experienced this challenge in your marriage, Marty Babits' book, "The Power of Middle Ground" is … [Read more...]
How to Establish and Maintain a Good Marriage
by Harriet Hairston I'm the type of person that loves assessment quizzes and practical exercises. I like gaining more insight and understanding into my own intricate design as well as that of my marriage. The book, "10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage" by John & Julie Gottman and Joan DeClaire is chock full of these types of quizzes and practical exercises. While … [Read more...]