Please excuse me for a moment while I vent. I am always puzzled by married people who consistently choose not to wear their wedding ring. The excuses typically communicated are “people know I’m married” or “the ring is just a piece of jewelry and doesn’t define my marriage.” In my opinion those reasons are tired and played.
Lately, I developed this strange habit of looking for wedding rings on the hands of individuals I know are married. I guess a major component of this is my excitement over all things love. The other part is my hope that people are properly representing and not sending out the wrong message. I look for wedding rings in advertisements; especially when there is an African-American couple with a family. I also watch for them on the hands of celebrities who I know are married. I am not quite sure where this current fixation on wedding bands originated from, but it’s here. I want the children in our communities to see marriage as a positive and something to look forward to.
Just recently I was watching a sports talk program and noticed a popular retired athlete, turned sports analyst, whose marriage is pretty public, not wearing his ring. He was dressed in his suit and analyzing a game, but again my eyes immediately went to his ring finger and no ring. No big deal to some, I know. Of course he can do what he wants, wear it or not wear it. However, my immediate thought was hoping everything was okay in his marriage and that he and his wife were still together. I guess my biggest question is, why wouldn’t you wear your wedding ring? I understand the occasional hand swelling or the ring being re-sized excuses. Those are valid reasons not to rock your band. But on average, those who consistently make the choice to leave it at home and don’t think of it as a big deal, is concerning.
The ring symbolizes a never ending circle of love. It represents the commitment we made and the vows we shared with the person we love. It is a sign to the rest of the world that we found the one person we desire to spend the rest of our lives with. At least it should anyway. And why wouldn’t you want the world to know that? I wear my ring with pride. I love being able to quickly smile and flash it whenever I am approached. Those of us who are married have to be really careful with how we represent our marriages. Not wearing a ring can definitely send a message that you are available, interested or having trouble at home. I’d rather us wear our rings with pride because of the lifelong love commitment we’ve said “I do” to.
BMWK — What are your thoughts on wearing or not wearing your wedding ring?
Not wearing your wedding ring (all the time) is a huge sign of disrespect to your spouse, yourself, and your children (if any). It’s a sign of immaturity, lack of integrity, and a lack of commitment.
So many people have down low marriages … meaning they show up with wifey or hubby for the photo ops but when it comes down to it …. so many people don’t want others to know they are married, for fear that will remove any potential prospects for when they are not married, or at least acting like they are not married!! Not wearing your wedding ring (all the time) is disrepectful to your spouse. Not wearing your wedding ring for a week or two might be a wake-up to your spouse that “hey something is not right here.” Jaheim said it best “if you notice she ain’t wearing her ring” … its time to put that woman or spouse first.
i dont wear my ring- except on special occasions and when i go out with my children without my husband. truthfully its a beautiful ring and i am scarily attached to it so i am very paranoid about having it stolen. i do often look at it because it takes me back to when my husband proposed which makes me smile! i have seen plenty of women who wear their rings and they are the most unmarried acting women i know! its not about a ring. if my husband asked me to marry him but did not have a ring- i would have married him anyway. it is a material representation of what is already going on in your heart. i think as i got older a ring was not as important as the emotions behind it, and i would gladly give the ring back if the sentiment was non- existent. wearing a ring or making a production of it is truly a newlywed thing in my opinion. marriage is a feeling, a thought, a lifelong bond but not a ring!
(not) wearing a ring, and the frequency with which that is done, and it’s significance is a thing to be decided within a couple, not to be determined by random strangers. sorry, tiya, you’ve missed the mark on this one. how one represents marriage is determined in much more than a ring.
I understand where the writer is coming from but I also have to agree with Anonymous March 03. Lol She put it so well! Some women are walking around with their rings on and yet, they don’t show that they are married at all. This to me is puzzling. I wear my ring and though we are having some tough times, you will never catch me without it or even denying my marriage. When people in my church don’t see it because it’s not flashy, sometimes they ask, and I say “yes” because I believe that a woman who cannot be faithful to her husband, is unstable and all over the place. Who wants to be in that kind of relationship! The same goes for a man who behaves that way. I know someone who is married to a pastor and she doesn’t wear her ring, neither does he, but she is very flirtatious and she dances in church like she is at the club. What she doesn’t realize is that people do look and they laugh and talk about her. I don’t think they are saying nice things when they do either. I’m sure they are calling her out because this is not the behavior of a pastors wife. I honestly feel bad for her because I think she is craving for attention.
Some married women come to church dressed inappropriately, revealing their cleavage and so forth, seems like they are seeking something that they don’t get from their own marriage: Attention and affection. We as women need to still respect ourselves and seek attention from the Lord!
We live in a society that has taught us that we should always look for more. If we are not completely satisfied, take it back or add to it. This can either work for or against us if we don’t use wisdom.
I agree 100% Val, I am not married (praying that I do one day) and I know I would wear my ring at all times. I have associates who are married and cheating on their husbands. I didn’t and still don’t understand, when given the opportunity to stand before God and recite your vows is a honor and those promises usually from the heart. God willing I am blessed with chance to do so..
You soon shall be Kia, claim it in Jesus name. When two or three agree, there God will be! Amen.
Just a thought says
I think it’s strange to be worried about another persons finger and what they do or do not have on it. I noticed after I got married the amount of women (always women!) who were checking my finger to see if it was still on or not. Never once did I get the impression that they were at all concerned with the health of my marriage. Instead it seemed to come from a place of just being messy and flat out nosey. I have a coworker who repeatedly checks my finger and I just chuckle on the inside at her cause I know she’s miserable. Poor thing
Agreed. Cluck, cluck little hens.
I wear my ring everyday as a symbol if my love and devotion to my husband. I forgot to wear my ring once and I felt so naked and bare. I also look to see if other married women I know wear their ring and so many of them do not wear it and I wonder why. I think it’s quite disrespectful to your mate if you exchanged rings and choose not to wear it, but it’s a matter of my own opinion I guess.
It’s because you’re retarded and need a physical object
Interesting article and responses…I notice that Beyonce and Jay Z don’t always wear their rings, but I notice that Snoop Dog always wears his ring even in his videos. I think it’s just a matter of communication between married couples that either that they both agree to wear their rings or not to wear them. Your ring or lack of shouldn’t tell if something is wrong in one’s household or if you’re in absolute love with your partner. It’s really no one’s business!
Initially, I thought I’m NOT going to respond. BUT! I had to do so for many reasons. I’ve been married 22 years, and for nearly 20 of those years my husband hasn’t worn his ring on a regualar basis. I used to have major issues with it–UNTIL I’d bought several rings–because the man is allergic to metals! SMH LOL; another reason was because of his ‘particular’ job in federal law enforcement, and it was clearly explained to me about many operations where an individual could be in more danger as result of ‘the ring’ being visible. Now, mind you, I did the head swaying and eye rolling like “you gotta come better than that”. I then observed many in his organization without rings–men and women; figured they couldn’t all be telling the same story. To validate my sanity, I spoke with a 35 yr married spouse who shed some light on the unknowns of the job, and there were things I really didn’t want to know about his operations manual. So I guess what I’m saying is there are a thousand reasons or even excuses behind “the ring”, but at the end of the day when you’re not claiming a body, or walking by a casket… is it really that serious,when the person you’ve been committed to has fulfulled and continues to fullfill their committment to you, family and the marriage. Just recently, after extensive traveling when I picked my hubby up–he asked me about ‘windshield wipers” on MY vehicle. I said ‘honey, I ain’t got time for that”….LOL; he immediately directed me stop at an autoparts store to have them replaced indicating, “I just want to keep you safe”… and he didn’t have his ring on, and his concern for my safety and well being meant more to me. Committment is committment and it shows itseld in many forms. We just don’t need to overthink or overlook the valuable small things in front of us everyday. Communicate and do what works for you according to your own standards, beliefs and values! ok. Now I’m done! IJSLOL
I totally agree. This article is overthinking what doesnt require much thought and stipulating all sorts of things that may have no basis in reality. I don’t read anything in to it if a person wears their ring or not; if i choose to care it’s usually about how they treat each other.
I have never seen my dad wear his wedding ring and my parents have been married for going on 35 years now. He does always have it on his key ring though. He used to work in manufacturing.
Like you said, the ring is a symbol. You are no less or more married because of a ring. Anything can happen to cause one to not wear a ring.
I wear my ring daily. I literally do not take it off. The few times I may have forgotten to put it on I am no less married and don’t act as such. It’s not a misrepresentation.
I don’t wear my ring most of the time, and my hubs only wears his when we go to church or out together. It is so completely not an issue between us, I find this discussion almost laughable. I stopped wearing my rings because the hoodrats that worked at my job kept complimenting me on them, and I felt unsafe. My hubs has lost every single piece of jewelry he has ever had except his wedding ring, which is in my jewelry box. This is one of those issues that is only important within the couple, not from the outside looking in.
You too! mine doesn’t wear jewelry, and has lost all the replacement rings I’ve bought, and I figured it was easier to buy power tools, they can’t be lost or cause an allergic reaction. The last ring I bought was in my jewelry box, and he told me the price of gold and said ” I bet that ring could pay baby girls tuition”…… we both picked them up and laughed.
It is really about the heart. For some it signifies to the world that you are married and if my husband noticed me not wearing it, he may think something is up. Plus, I don’t like having to tell men that “I am married over and over.”Just look at the hand and don’t ask anything else.
Rosemary / romanticmarriage.org says
Sadly, I have seen plenty of cases where people who wear wedding rings are very disrespectful of their spouses and their marriages, including having affairs. Respect comes from what is in your heart, not from what is on your finger.
I would totally be lying if I said I didn’t care if my husband didn’t wear his ring. It must be a newlywed thing. To me, the ring is a stamp of my place in life, a commitment my husband and I made to each other in front of our family and friends. I always catch both men and women glance at my finger to see if my rings are there. Some could be doing it to be nosey and some I think glance over to reassure that I am still holding on to my commitment. After all, I can be the only or one of the only examples of what a good and or working marriage looks like. My rings keep me accountable to God and onlookers.
This article just reminded me why I don’t read this stuff. Just happened to see it on someone’s FB wall. Opinion opinions. This post was strictly opinion based. And it’s unfortunate that the world has formed their minds to believe a ring has that much power. That’s great you love to wear your ring, but you prob should stop wondering why others don’t wear theirs. Literally a piece of jewelry. My mother has been married for over 26 yrs and only wore her ring for like the first 2yrs. The ring means nothing. Show and tell to “entertain” nosey people.
I actually am not married. But I do wear a ring on what the world believes is your “ring finger.” Why? Because there is already a ring on my other hand. The minds of the world is so twisted. Same concept. It’s just a ring.
If wearing your wedding ring on your “ring finger” or not is your thing. Then do you! But I feel sorry for the people who continue to read these opinionated posts. I pray they have their own mindset.
My husband and I got married without rings, and we bought rings later. The rings, honestly, mean nothing when it comes to our marriage. Rings are pieces of jewelry that someone else is making a profit from. I don’t wear my ring to work sometimes because it irritates my finger, and my husband lost his a couple months ago. We plan to replace it when money is better, but not wearing our rings doesn’t make us any less married. It certainly is not disrespectful. I know that I’m married and he knows that he’s married. We don’t need rings to justify it. If you need a ring to justify your marriage, then you need to be looking at problems in your marriage and not at outward appearances.
Really? I can’t believe someone would waste such time and energy focusing on a matter that is superficial and trivial. A ring is just that……a ring. Whether one chooses to wear one or not is a matter and concern for the couple to decide, not some outsider who knows nothing about their marriages, reasons, beliefs that may impact their decision to wear the ring. When exactly did rings give people security in their marriage or give one the right to pass judgement about who is or is not providing “excuses” about why s/he doesn’t wear a ring? Rings have not always been a traditional part of marriage for many cultures and religions. The superficiality of it all is quite alarming.
Heather W says
If a person’s personal choice NOT to wear a wedding symbolizes disrespect to the marriage, then they have much bigger problems than jewelry. I know couples that wear their rings ALLLL the time and are cheating. Other than the sometimes slightly suffocating religious overtones, this page can hand out some of the most counterproductive advice for marriages I’ve evercome across. I’m not a religious person, but I do enjoy the page for a sometimes positive representation of the black family; But articles like this make marriage into something superficial. Marriage is a beautiful thing…not to be defined by something purchased with money. Keeping the focus more on the building of communication of couples, or the proper raising of the children created within the union. As a reader, I’d like to see the focus guided back to the fundamentals of building and maintaining a solid marriage; Not this superficial, basedon a personal obsession kind of mess.
Letrell manchand says
The ring is just that a ring. It does not define you or your marriage. A delta doesn’t wear her dst jacket everyday. It’s a lifelong commitment. A doctor doesn’t wear a oath pin for the hupocratic oath, he made a life long commitment. Sporting a ring is like carrying the gay flag. It’s a symbol. Letting people know I belong to this group. Yet I’d they stopped carton it. Or took the bumper sticker off their car.. Ate they now less gay??? It’s a simple comparison but the point is the same. You can act like a smut wearing a wedding ring… Of act like June cleaver not wearing one. Your marriage is defined by your actions. I’d someone wants to know I’m married and I’d I did t have my ring on I would just tell them. Why I’m not wearing a ring is none of your concern. A ring doesn’t stop anything anyway. People will do them regardless. So to me it’s a matter of personal choice. Whatever works for you and your husband. What happened if you two got tattoos instead. So I have to SHOW my tattoo constantly??? I think women who are hung up on the ring or wearing a ring ate insecure with themselves or their mate. Hopefully you have his last name so what does the ring matter. It’s gets stolen,,, what you not married anymore? You lose it,,. What u not married anymore… Stop it… Now I’d your man is a pig or your wife a slut,,, you got bigger issues to worry about other than I’d he or she is wearing a ring. Ijs…….
I don’t know about this one Tiya! I can’t think of a single reason why I should be/would be concerned with somebody elses finger. I think the natural assumption when you see somebody without their ring is to assume that there is trouble in paradise…which there may be…still nobody’s business but the two who said “I Do!”. I think marriage is hard enough without having to worry about what other people are thinking when you don’t have your ring on. Also, it is a mistake to assume that just because somebody has their ring on that Paradise hasn’t been lost.
I believe that the ring does not define your marriage, but at the same time if a person is not wearing their ring it may show that they’re out there looking for a little something on the side. The people I knew who took off their ring was out there trying to cheat! I’m newly engaged and I love wearing my ring even now. It let men know that I’m not single and it shows that I’m in a loving relationship (not saying all people with a ring on is in a loving relationship).
I think your blog is great. You write about very interesting things. Thanks for all the tips and information
Wedding Planning says
Thanks for finally talking about > Why Wouldn’t You Wear Your Wedding Ring? | BlackandMarriedWithKids.com < Liked it!
When my husband and I got married 2 years ago, I actually forgot to bring my rings. He brought his, but in all the nervousness, I simply forgot. It turned out to be no big deal. We all laughed and the preacher was gracious enough to change the ceremony up a little so my absent ring would not be so obvious. My husband wears his ring most days, I wear mine mostly when we are going to be around family. I asked my husband if me not always wearing my ring was ok with him and he has no problem with it. I never notice if he even has his on or not unless I see him put it on. Basically to us, rings are not a big deal. I can’t see how it could possibly be a big deal to anyone outside of this relationship.
I used to wear my ring each and every day and I stopped when I saw that my husband seem to not like wearing it I just felt disappointed.
We’ve been married 15 years and never had rings, never even gave them any serious thought. We also didn’t have a wedding. Needless to say we’re not really ones for expensive overt displays of symbolic matrimonial ownership. If you are relevant to either of us, you’ll know we’re married.