Read 10 Things Grown Women Shouldn’t Do – Part Two here.
I turned 26 a month or so ago. And now that I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20, I’m feeling some kind of way about the behaviors I exhibit and my reactions to every day events. Somehow I feel like I’m supposed to be wiser, calmer, more she’s-got-her-life-together than I really am. Some days I wake up and I’m like, “Crap, I’m an adult? Like, really? Wasn’t I just leaving the spring dance in a huff after having yet another argument with my high school boyfriend?”
And guess what? I’m 26 and the madness hasn’t been worked out. But I guess now I’m “wise” enough to know that the madness won’t ever be worked out. This is just life.
But going along with my 26th birthday, I told myself I would write a post, something for me to look back on as I turn 30, and then 35 and then 40, to see how my womanhood journey was going. Here’s what I got so far:
1) Stop comparing yourself to other women.
I used to do this so often that I didn’t even notice it, especially when I was in my super-focused fitness mode. I would wish that I had Halle Berry’s boobs, Beyonce’s hips and butt, Kelly Rowland’s abs, and Michelle Obama’s arms. It was like I was some Frankenchick. But I realized that I have Tara’s boobs and Tara’s butt and Tara’s abs, and yes, Tara’s arms. My body is how I was meant to look. I can admire other women, yes, but I don’t have to wish I had what they had.
2) Stop thinking of comebacks way after the fact.
I can never get my brain to be all snappy and witty when I’m in the middle of a conversation gone bad. Some idiot will approach me with my kids and say something stupid like, “Aren’t you a little young to have kids?” and I’ll stand there in a stupor, amazed that someone can be so dumb and so bold about it. They’ll walk away and I’ll spend the rest of the day thinking of comebacks. “Aw, man, I should have said, “˜Aren’t you a little old to be so stupid?'” But in the moment, I should have simply said, “How is that any of your business?” and kept on walking. My point here is to say something true about how you feel. That’s the best comeback and you don’t have to rack your brain trying to think of something.
3) Stop denying yourself the pleasure of your company.
If I do say so myself, I’m kind of cool. I’m caring and considerate and I make a mean lemonade pound cake (from scratch, no recipe, thankyouverymuch). And on those days when my husband is doing something and my kids are with their Nana and Pop, I find myself alone with no clue what to do. I resist going to the movies or out to dinner because who wants to go by themselves? But you know what? I’m awesome and I can have fun by myself. I always have a running dialogue in my head anyway, so I’m pretty entertaining.
4) Stop making excuses for why something won’t work.
It could be anything””why your new budget is unrealistic or why you just will never get along with your boss. Thinking about the “won’t work”s robs you of the chance to think about the “what if”s. Think positive. Expect positive results.
5) Stop putting yourself so far down the list that you have to flip the paper over to find your name.
I can write this because it’s me. I’ve been there. I’m still there. I’ve gone months without shaving my legs or plucking my eyebrows or bothering to paint my nails. I regularly get three to four fewer hours of sleep than I need to function and about four days a week, I forget to eat breakfast”…and lunch. How much does my body hate me? A lot, I think. But right now, I’m taking this youth for granted and it’s not fair. My body is not going to be able to take this abuse much longer. I need to get a regular exercise routine. Do something about these three gray hairs (yes, gray hairs”…but that’s another post). Get to bed on time at least once each week. Treat Tara right for the simple fact that I’m all I have. Yes, I have other people who care about me, but at the same time, I’m the only one who has complete control over what I do and how I treat myself.
Do these resonate with you? What would you add to the list?
Read 10 Things Grown Women Shouldn’t Do – Part Two here.
Stop thinking you always have the answer – I find myself always racking my brain trying to find a solutions to everything, Kids, husband my parents my sisters and brother they always expect me to have an answer or an opinion on something but its OK to say I don’t know and I don’t have an opinion on it. Wow it felt good to just put that out into the universe!
I really LIKE that one. A lot. Adding it to my list now!
I have the same issue with my family. It got to a point where I had to pretend to be clueless in hopes that it would encourage them to figure it out on their own.
I’d have to say realizing that although I may be growing closer to maturation I can still have fun, otherwise I’ll become some stick in the mud and a hated parent. I’m in my early 30’s, my name is Tara also, and I can feel you on this one. I started having these thoughts when I got married and then started a family a year later, and I still want more kids, so I’m still growing. Taking time to remember that I was a kid is still on my to do list because I want to be witty and fun to be around for my family…heck, it beats just living the day to day grind. Looking forward to part II!
Well I’m 35… And I’m lovin my 30’s. I decided that it’s up to myself and God what flaws I’m goin to work on. Period. In my 20’s anyone could point out somethin about me and boom! I’m workin on this and that… Um no… Ok so maybe u don’t like one thing or another about me.. But clearly I’m ok with it.. So now I simply say .. Well thank u and I’ll take that under advisement.. And yes I realize I’m a work in progress, but that my dear didn’t make the list of things that I plan on workin on.. Lol baby bye.. These same folks probably kno more about what I need to work than they do about what THEY need to bewirkin on. I’m 35.. I’m Dana.. I love me.. And yes.. I do cut myself some slack… POW!
Never, doubt your worth and self value(s).
Excellent!!!
Take time to have some fun (without your kids)! We’re always trying to come up with new ideas, if you’re interested check us out: http://www.the52weeks.com
Two things that I will add to the list…one….happiness is yours to have…and yours to maintain….in other words I believe that we should stop waiting for someone or something to make us happy. Too often we expect our husbands..our jobs…our children to provide that infinite amount of happiness and when we don’t get it we are torn to pieces. Am I saying that these things/people cannot make us happy? No. I am not saying that…all I am saying is know how to MAKE YOURSELF happy. Know how to KEEP YOURSELF happy. That takes the pressure off of other people being something that they may not be able to be for you! Secondly, stop waiting for validation from other people (I am preaching to the choir on this one). It is easy to rest in the fact that somebody else thinks that I am __________________. But again, we get to a point where if we don’t get it, we are torn to pieces. Allow the Lord to validate your worth! There is no greater feeling than to know how much you are loved by Him (take it from somebody who looked for love not only in the wrong places but everywhere and in everything!!!) When you are internally validated, those that don’t feel the same way about you won’t sting as much. Both of these points brings me to my last and final point…you cannot expect to give something that you don’t even posses.
Peace.
I loved and needed this one!
I want to scream….. thankyou for posting this. Yes look to God and yourself for validation not man b/c with man the opinions are many and you will make yourself crazy trying to go every which way and do everything for everyone.
I love this. I’m turning 27 in a few months and I’m working on a few things too – like not comparing myself to a younger version of me. Grown women should embrace who they are in the moment, making adjustments as necessary.
At 33, married for 15 years, and mother of 3, I have decided to stop trying to “do it all” & living the expectations others had for me. At one time I felt guilty when my husband let me sleep in while he got up in the middle of the night with one of our children, or if he washed the dishes, or anything that was the stay-at-home-mom’s “job,” until I had a nervous breakdown when I was almost 3 hours away from home and my husband arrived at the hospital and got onto the bed with me after simply saying, “I love YOU.” He does all he do because he loves me as Larie, not his wife, mother of his children, chef, author, christian, or any other outside reason.
I love, love, love #2. I always think of comebacks way after the fact & get so mad at myself for not being able to think quickly like most of my family & friends. If someone says an off-the-wall comment to me & they’re someone I know, I would go so far as to find a way to bring the topic back up in our next conversation just so I’d have a chance to say what I initially “should” have said. (whew!) But at 25, the right thing to do, is to just be honest & tell people (tactfully) how you really feel.
If I could add anything to this list I would say: Don’t be so quick to say yes. Sometimes, I will cut someone off in the middle of their sentence and say “Yeah, I can do that.” I hate asking people for things, but I almost never say no, when someone asks me for a favor, even if I’m inconvienced. The next thing you know, I’m picking people up from the airport at 5:00 a.m., participating in 10 mile walks, hosting dinner parties at my house, becoming a MaryKay consultant (when I don’t really like makeup) etc. all the while wondering “how did I get myself into this?
Mrs. Mac,
You just saved your self a trip to the hospital for having a nervous breakdown, panic attacks, severe migranes, ulcers, erratic depression based mood swings and a host of other emotional/psycho-social/physical issues and illnesses by simply learning to say NO to people and situations at times ………p.s. please don’t feel guilty afterward. Enjoy your freedom and sense of serenity instead.
Take it from some one who’s been there and back more times than I wish to admit, but when the light bulb finally came on in my head, I’ve been on cloud 9 eversince.
I’m 33 and I look/feel better than I did at 25 due to my change of menality.
Mrs. Mac,You just saved your self a trip to the hospital for having a nervous breakdown, panic attacks, severe migranes, ulcers, erratic depression based mood swings and a host of other emotional/psycho-social/physical issues and illnesses by simply learning to say NO to people and situations at times ………p.s. please don’t feel guilty afterward. Enjoy your freedom and sense of serenity instead.Take it from some one who’s been there and back more times than I wish to admit, but when the light bulb finally came on in my head, I’ve been on cloud 9 eversince.I’m 33 and I look/feel better than I did at 25 due to my change of menality.
When I turned 27 I completed stop beating myself up for not being like other women. I agree with #1. We have to stop doing that to ourselves and appreciate the person we are. The person we were created to be.
shouldn’t be afraid to do things alone. I use to be very hesitant about eating out and doing movies alone. But now…. Love it. I even took a week long vacation at the beach alone. Loved it. Enjoy yourself more and don’t wait around for a posse to have fun.
There is a difference between compromising and compromising yourself. Being “in love” can make you lose your head and your standards… be sure that the person is bringing value to the relationship as well – and maintains it! Jo Lena Johnson, Author, Strategic Planning for Love & War, Relationships and Adult Conversations
I just love this list…its so awesome 🙂
Can we add: Stop taking bathroom “look back at it” booty pics in the mirror? Grown women honestly don’t do such things.
Oh my gosh, I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!! I feel like you read my thoughts ExaCtLy!! I’m 27…30 is 3 quick years away….and I need to enter my thirties with a little less anxiety, self-loathing and fear about the possible ‘won’t-work’s’.
Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with us! 🙂
hey
I like this article!
I too am 26 and getting ready to get married. One of the things I am working and getting better on is learning how to stand up for myself. I am a grown behind woman and I have a right to say no and feel what I feel. No one has the right to try to control me or dictate my actions…family included. I am also learning to trust my own judgement. No one is more equipped to handle my life than I am. Therefore, what I think, feel, believe and do are completely up to me. I am in control of me!
I really like the not comparing your self to other women one. I work on this myself but the habit always manages to sneak back in
By the way this is Arlett from Chasing Joy. I’m not sure how I ended up posting as Anonymous.
Wow, this list hit me like a boulder. I have the majority of these issues. I have completely let myself go. I was recently surfing facebook and saw people my age 35, out having fun and looking so vibrant, and I looked in the mirror and thought to myself’ “Girl you really have to get it together.” With a teenage sons, husband, church, family and my career I often lose myself and I have to “FLIP SEVERAL PAGES” just to find me on the bottom of the list. Thanks Tara for this article, I love this site. Looking forward to getting my life back!!!