I am not sure about you, but I’m frustrated and irritated by the negative labels black women frequently receive. I’m still trying to determine at what point in time did it become acceptable for everyone, other races of men and women, children and even our men, to disrespect and disregard us.
Black women seem to always be the last group to receive respect.
We stand beside our men, we put our all into our work, we hold down our families, manage our households and yet somehow we aren’t worthy of respect? How did we allow this to happen? How did the people we nurture, love and take care of allow this to happen? We dropped the ball ladies.
Perhaps we pretended as though we didn’t need any protecting or defending, and maybe some of us don’t. However, the reality is a large majority of us actually do. But we gave permission to others to treat us as less than. Another sad reality is that we don’t even defend one another. I’ve written posts before urging us to support our fellow sister. I’ve even created a personal blog to compliment my plea. Until we self-love, others won’t see the value that comes with protecting us.
It breaks my heart to see women, especially our young girls, embrace these unfortunate titles and use them to either describe themselves or tear down another sister. Some black women think it’s cute, others feel the only way to get a man’s attention is to be willing to accept negative behaviors. I view it as pitiful. Why do we buy into language that doesn’t honor or highlight how beautiful, intelligent and strong we are? It’s easy for others to place those labels on us because we haven’t been loving enough to ourselves. The self-hating has to end.
With the unfortunate popularity of reality TV, we’ve witnessed many of these descriptions acted out. There is a lack of balance in what we see negatively portrayed to what’s actually happening in many of our lives. Somehow society decided the only way they wanted to see black women on TV is if we were back biting, throwing drinks, pulling hair or cursing each other out. We feed into it by watching shows promoting that behavior, and also by treating one another the same way.
The time to take our power back is long overdue. We must stop believing the hype and feeding into the negativity. Black women, it’s time we incorporate the following into our daily way of life:
We must stand together and defend one another
We must encourage each other
We must use loving words when describing another woman
We must speak to a sister we see on the street and find something about her to compliment
We must smile at one another
We must stop judging one another
We must stop gossiping about one another
We must mentor or speak positivity into a young sisters life
We must break the cycle by teaching our girls to build one another up
We must create sister circles and prayer groups with other women
We must be able to tell another black woman how beautiful she looks
We must support each other’s businesses and encourage others to do the same
If we really took the time to examine our sisterhoods we’d discover that it isn’t a competition. There is opportunity for each of us. The further we get away from those titles the stronger we will become collectively. Remember no one else truly understands our struggle but us. Again, we need one another. There needs to be a serious rebuilding of our sisterhoods. We have to stop embracing these titles and acting as though they truly define us. They absolutely do not. I recommend we replace the following with the following:
Angry Black Woman with Loving Black Queen
THOT with Beautiful Black Sister
Ratchet with Righteous
Bad B**** with Intelligent Woman of God
We are worthy of the best that life has to offer and we need to start walking, talking and acting like it.
BMWK: What do you think about the labels black women are given?
Donna says
I can exhale….finally an article worth reading in this place and time. I have felt like a small quiet voice in this great big old world. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve felt this overwhelming voice inside of me. Even before this era came about. I’m 50 now. I’m a southern girl with a city twist that love God and all his creations. I’ve always loved being a woman and took pride in being a black woman. We are Queens have somehow have been dethrowned and diluted into b n h. And accepted these titles. I was groomed to be a wife and mother. I was taught the concepts and was shown how to behave as such. To carry myself with pride, grace and dignity. I was shown how to use my strenght as a black woman. I was taught my value and worth. What happened?! I’ve been told by several people to hold a class or write a book. I held bible studies at my home instead to build up our image and hang on to my teachings. I have been a wife and I am a mother. I’ve worn the pants for years.What my mentors couldn’t forsee was that other families weren’t raising the raisin their children the same. And they had way less than what weectly from he have today. But I tell you what they did have was God,family love, wisdom and respect. Thank you for this article! I know I’ve said alot “wrote a book” but this is a divine intervention directly from heaven. God bless you.
Tiya says
And God Bless you sister!!! I love your words and would love to hear more about your book.