Dear Dr. Buckingham, I met this man through a friend 4 months ago. It was all bliss and fun until a month later. I found a pair of a lady's shoes in his closet. Upon inquiry, he said I got too many issues and it's best if we went our separate ways. It was painful, but I moved on. A month later he called and asked me to forgive him and we got back together. But little did I … [Read more...]
Infidelity
It’s Not You, It’s Men: Rev. Run and Tyrese Discuss Why People Cheat, So Here’s What to Do About It
On this week’s episode of It’s Not You, It’s Men, Tyrese & Rev. Run discuss: Why men cheat? Prior to the start of the show, 89% of the studio audience polled admitted to being cheated on or having cheated in a relationship. This kicked off the dialogue of why men cheat. What follows are arguments and counterarguments on the topic: Men are wired that way Tyrese stated that … [Read more...]
Should I Kick My Boyfriend to the Curb If I Think He’s Cheating Like My Ex-Husband?
Dear Dr. Buckingham, Thank you so much for writing these wonderful and helpful articles. I would like to get some advice if possible. I was in a marriage to an emotional abuser and a cheater, which ended in divorce after giving it several chances. I am now dating someone whom I just gave a second chance after I found out he's been calling his baby mama almost everyday and … [Read more...]
3 Ways to Save a Desperate Marriage
Dear Dr. Buckingham, Hello. I have been married for 14 years. We have two children ages 16 and 10. I've had an emotional relationship with another man for 5 years. My husband is a gamer and our values are different. He spends a lot of his time gaming and he doesn't value a tidy home like I do among many other differences. Because of those issues we have been fighting for … [Read more...]
How to Deal with Your Emotions After You’ve Discovered Your Spouse is Cheating
"Last night was well worth it” read the text from my husband’s mistress. Needless to say that is one text I will never forget! If you are anything like I was you may have just discovered that your spouse is having an affair. What should you do now? You suddenly feel shattered. You can’t catch your breath. You are furious and devastated at the same time. Okay, so what … [Read more...]
I Married a Serial Cheater: Is Walking Away the Right Thing to Do?
Dear Dr. Buckingham, I read a posted letter to you from Young and In Love and I saw myself in this. The only difference is, I am 54 years old and have been married to my husband for 28 years now. We have four kids, all past the age of 18. I have been sacrificing for so long living with this cheating husband of mine for my children's sake and I have always blamed him for … [Read more...]
5 Steps Toward a Healthy Relationship After Your Spouse Has Stepped Out on You
We recently discussed the 6 Brazen Signs that Your Spouse Might be Stepping Out on You. And, sadly, the article hit home with you. Maybe you discovered your spouse cheated or is cheating. So, now what. Well, if your choice is to try to save your marriage, healing after losing trust in your spouse is a process, not a one-time “I’m so sorry, I will never do it again” … [Read more...]
The Biggest Lie Men Tell Themselves to Justify Cheating
By: Debrena Jackson Gandy There’s that nauseous sensation in the pit of your stomach, then the realization finally hitting you like a blow to the gut – “I think my spouse is having an affair.” I know the feeling well because in our marriage, we experienced mutual serial infidelity. This means that both my husband and I have been on both sides of infidelity, as both the … [Read more...]
6 Brazen Signs Your Spouse Might Be Stepping Out on You
Life has taught me that cheating doesn't have to be an automatic end to your marriage. You and your spouse relate on a number of different levels. Even though trust has been broken, you still love each other and share various aspects of life. That love, along with multiple threads that still connect you, may have been stretched almost to the breaking point. But, they can … [Read more...]
Warning: 5 Things You Must Know Before Entering the Cheating Danger Zone
Let me begin by stating there is no justification for cheating when you're married. If your relationship is shaky or you're bored, share that with your partner. Consider solutions prior to jumping in bed with someone else. Cheating doesn't fix your marriage, it alters your character. You start to lack integrity and become a person others can't trust. You disappoint those who … [Read more...]
My Husband Impregnated a Hood Rat: Can Our Marriage Survive His Deception?
Dear Dr. Buckingham, I have been married for 20 years. We have two daughters. My husband cheated on me with someone that I believe has low standards (Hood Rat). I found out 4 years ago because she sent me a nasty letter giving me details of their sexual encounters. I was crushed! (The man) who I thought was my best friend had become my enemy, not my husband. He … [Read more...]
How to Keep Those Negative Memories from Torturing You After Infidelity in Your Relationship
Sometimes all it takes is a familiar fragrance in the air to arouse your nose, or a random song playing on the radio, to trigger a memory. You smile as you hear “Anniversary” by Tony! Toni! Tone! (Yep that is still a jam) and feel refreshed—unless... it happens to be the perfume worn by your spouse’s side piece, or the song that was playing when you found out about the … [Read more...]
My Husband Likes to Sneak a Peek at Curvy Women…Should I Be Concerned?
Dear Dr. Buckingham, My husband and I went on a trip so that we could enjoy each other and spend some quality time together. He asked me to look at something on his cell phone while he was holding it. I noticed that he could not hold the phone steady. As I looked up, I noticed that he was not looking at the phone. I saw him looking at a woman. When I asked what he was … [Read more...]
Am I Wrong for Physically Assaulting My Husband?
Dear Dr. Buckingham, My husband and I have been together for ten years and married for five. We have three children together. My husband recently had an altercation with his boss and quit. I chose to start working and let him stay home with the kids. Well, a week later, I see he searched for a girl on Facebook, and asked him about it. He got really mad and said it was a … [Read more...]
How to Overcome 6 Barriers to Forgiveness After Infidelity Threatens Your Marriage
Have you been unable to forgive your spouse for being unfaithful? Even after he or she has proven absolute re-commitment to you, you know within your heart you have been unable to forgive. Something is preventing you from forgiving. It can be one or a combination of barriers that need to be identified immediately in an effort to heal and forgive. According to our society … [Read more...]