How to rebuild trust, you ask? We will tell you how to build that trust again and save your marriage here.
In this article:
- How to Save Your Marriage That’s Falling Apart
- Get Over Trust Issues by Starting at the Beginning
- The Biggest Struggle in Rebuilding Trust
- How Long Does It Take to Learn How to Get Over Being Cheated On?
How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage After an Affair Destroys It
How to Save Your Marriage That’s Falling Apart
Learning how to rebuild trust is the only step to save a broken marriage due to infidelity. It’s the only way to move forward, get past your marital problems, and get your relationship back on track. It’s also the only path to restoring and rejuvenating your relationship.
When you know how to build trust again, you can go back to how your marriage used to be. You might even be able to bring it to a better place. To finally end your marriage issues and fix the broken trust, you need to start at the very beginning.
Get Over Trust Issues by Starting at the Beginning
Learning how to fix your marriage and how to regain trust doesn’t happen overnight. It can even be a long process. You rebuild the marriage brick by brick, piece by piece. That’s why couples spend so much time on this particular area of reestablishing trust.
The process can be arduous. However, trust is a necessary ingredient for your marriage, so you need to know how to build trust in a relationship.
The first step on how to rebuild trust is to bring yourselves to the beginning of the relationship – before there were lies and cheating.
- What worked then?
- How did you both date?
- How did you both decide to get together?
- What did you like?
- What were you doing, and what weren’t you doing?
Some of the couples I’ve worked with think they can overcome their marriage problems quickly since they’ve been together for a while. They believe they can get over a broken trust, such as an affair, and move forward smoothly.
When you break someone’s trust and have an affair, the confidence goes right down to zero. As much as you don’t like it, it’s like starting over from day one or ground zero.
When you first met your spouse, you had to do all these things to make them feel they could trust you. These are also what you need to do to learn how to rebuild trust and how to fix a broken marriage.
The Biggest Struggle in Rebuilding Trust
For some people, the struggle is they want to know how to rebuild trust quickly. Most of us do. We want things to happen fast. We want them to move from step one all the way to the last in an instant. These can be quitting smoking, losing weight, getting a new job, or even having a baby.
Life doesn’t move like the speed of light, and it’s the same thing with learning how to fix a marriage due to an affair. A person doesn’t immediately overcome the impact of infidelity or broken trust in your marriage.
Sometimes, both couples want to get over the marriage problems in a flash. Usually, it’s the person who betrayed their spouse. I’ve also seen it with those who have been betrayed. They keep asking questions such as:
- “When is this gonna stop?”
- “When is this gonna be over?”
- “What can we do to get back to being the way we used to be quick?”
I want you to realize it takes time.
You didn’t trust each other overnight. Instead, certain events happened that ultimately made both of you feel safe enough to rely on each other.
How Long Does It Take to Learn How to Get Over Being Cheated On?
I can’t give you a definite time on how long it’s going to take to overcome infidelity. What I’ve seen with the couples I’ve worked with over the past 15 years is it takes about 9 to 12 months to heal and learn how to rebuild trust.
If I have to give you a ballpark (and this is based on experience, not science), then I say the first three months are going to be rocky. It will be harsh and overwhelming. This is the time when you will be trying to rebuild trust.
Between the third and sixth months, you will start to feel some of the trust coming back, and both people are in it. You will have better times, and they will last a bit longer.
By the sixth to the ninth month, you will start to feel much better about the relationship. You will work through other issues that might have been there.
Then by the ninth to 12th month, you will see yourself moving in a great direction. Your relationship can be better than it ever was.
I’ve seen people work to reestablish trust and make some clear decisions. Now, they’re at a great place. They are connected with each other. It is more of a “we against the world” instead of an “I versus you” situation.
Here are a few things partners should keep in mind when rebuilding trust according to this video from Jay Cadet:
Knowing how to rebuild trust is so important. It is the foundation of everything else you are going to do in your marriage. It is impossible to get your relationship to better days if you don’t take the time to fix your marriage and reestablish trust. However, don’t move quickly and don’t brush it off. Take your time by starting from the beginning and rebuilding.
What are your tips to make it easier to learn how to rebuild trust after an affair? Share them in the comments section below.
Dr. George James, LMFT speaks, counsels, consults, coaches and teaches people how to overcome difficult relationships problems and build successful happy connections. James has been a reoccurring expert on many radio, TV and online programs. He is also a reoccurring relationship contributor to Ebony magazine. James is a staff therapist and an AAMFT-approved supervisor at Council For Relationships. Find out more about Dr. George James at GeorgeTalks.com.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on March 13, 2017, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.