Have you ever met an attractive person with great qualities and wondered why they’re single? I think most of us can say yes. Now, tell the truth: have you ever thought that something must be wrong with them because they’re single or unmarried?
I’ve been guilty of this too, but this mindset is not towards every single person I meet. But every now and then I wonder: they’re fine, saved, and single, so…what’s up with them?
From cultural habits to things we see in the media, we’ve been taught to see singles as projects to be pitied or miserable and desperate people.
From observation to experience, here are some reasons why we’re looking at our fellow singles all wrong:
You have a negative mindset
Often times, we will look for what’s wrong in other people because we’re not too happy with ourselves. It’s okay to simply ask, but the intentions for asking reveal what’s inside of us. We’ve been told that being single for too long means that something just has to be wrong with you. So when we meet other people we’re attracted to who are single, we consider why they’re not off the market.
Could it be that we’re thinking this very thing of ourselves, labeling ourselves and then projecting that view on other singles’ lives?
Because in reality we don’t know why they’re single unless they tell us. We can’t allow the negativity we’ve experienced in our lives be what leads our thoughts about another person’s journey in singleness.
If negative is your go-to response to singleness, then take the time to do some personal digging. Singleness is not a negative thing, so discover why you feel or think that way about yourself or others.
Having a positive mindset about your single season can really shift how you live and how you see others. Instead of going immediately to the thought that something is “wrong” with that person, you may consider that they may be Mr. or Mrs. Right, being smart about being single until they meet the other right person for them; will that be you?
You’re too stuck on the surface level
We’ve all seen it before in movies or TV or in real life. The pretty single woman is often labeled as stuck up, a gold digger or “bougie” because she carries herself a certain way. Or the guy with a great smile, no kids, over a certain age; some women may go as far as to question his sexual orientation, alluding to his prolonged singleness. This is all before truly getting beyond the appearances and getting to know the person.
We can’t go around making assumptions because that can kill our chances of building meaningful relationships. Real relationships that lead to marriage must have honest communication…on subjects that go beyond surface.
I know many of us don’t want to waste time anymore on the wrong people, but going off of looks, career credentials and church attendance is not necessarily good enough to vet a quality mate either.
Assumptions and prejudgments have to go out of the window. Pick up discernment instead. Take some time to get to know them and ask some real questions. Talk to the important people in their lives and get some insight on who they are as well. Lastly, don’t set your expectations to perfection; that really puts limits on their humanity and uniqueness and it will only frustrate you in the long run.
There are so many reasons why people are single, and we can’t always choose the negative reasons first. Just like you and me, there are many steps and decisions that lead to where we are in this journey. What matters now is that as long as we are willing to move forward to becoming better individuals—single or not—then the opinions of other people shouldn’t matter.
Hey BMWK fam, be honest! What are your first thoughts when you meet other attractive, eligible singles?