Most people do not reach out to old flames looking for an affair – but yet this is often what happens. Old flames have a special place in our hearts. Reconnecting with them stirs up powerful and deep emotions related to desire, nostalgia and regret.

Here’s the growing issue: Many of us are approaching middle age and/or in a bland marriage with an average level of happiness. This can drive us to recall our high school or college days where life was full of youth; there was less responsibility and endless possibilities.  That nostalgia tempts us to look up and eventually get in touch with old sweethearts via social media. Due to the expansion of social media, these days everyone is more accessible.

Those seemingly harmless reunions quickly turn into emotional then physical affairs and often tragically end in divorce.  It happens quicker than you think!  You chat online, text then talk on the phone, meet up for coffee and before you know it someone’s marriage is ruined. I promise you the grass is not greener on the other side.

Watch part one of this powerful 5-minute film by Marriage Pressure Points with a young wife/mother reconnecting with a steamy old college sweetheart. You may relate to what she’s feeling here.

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While your love tank may be empty in your current marriage or relationship, getting someone else to fill it up is NOT the answer.  Sure, the flattery and pursuit of your heart feels good. The romance is refreshing, but like all relationships, eventually that will fade too and you will be right back where you started. To end the cycle – the answer is hard work. You may want to implement these three relationship saving things in your marriage to get started:

1. Make the choice to love and pursue your spouse daily. Before it simply came natural, but now that the shine has worn off, it’s time to invest in the relationship, daily.
2. Date your spouse – Pursuing each other’s heart is a two-way street. Their love tank needs a frequent fill-up too. Make it a point to consistently and creatively date your spouse.
3. Quality time – There is no substitute for quality time with your partner! Sometimes this looks like watching movies or TV on the couch, reading together, taking walks in the neighborhood, eating dinner together and purposely connecting with your spouse throughout the day.

If you have reunited with an old flame already, you can turn back. Shut it down and be honest and open with your spouse about it. You can never truly move forward in your relationship based on deceit and lies. Practice full transparency and watch the fruit grow in your marriage.