There are lessons to be learned in nearly every challenge we experience. But what you choose to do with those lessons is up to you. However, what I find in so many marriages is that couples are having the same disagreements over and over again because the lessons aren't quite landing and sticking as they should. It's frustrating to express what bothers you to your spouse, … [Read more...]
Communication
A Clear Sign that Your Spouse Needs Your Attention
Imagine you and your spouse are walking the milky-colored beaches of Turks & Caicos with another BMWK cruise couple. Your spouse grabs your hand and points towards a purple starfish on the edge of the water. “Babe, look at that starfish. I didn’t know they could be purple.” You nod (without looking up), say uh-huh and continue thumbing through your Instagram feed. You … [Read more...]
Better Communication: How to Keep from Cussing Your Spouse Out When They “Take You There”
Recently, I sat in a Starbucks and couldn't help but overhear a couple’s very loud argument. Of course every couple disagrees. However, there was something a little extra with this one. All I could hear was the woman cussing the guy out. She yelled, called him an idiot, told him to shut the ___ up and eventually told him to just get the __ out. I was stunned by what I heard … [Read more...]
5 Communication Strategies That Really Really Worked for My Marriage
Communication strategies have helped my marriage tremendously. It took my husband and I years to learn the 5 strategies I’m going to share with you. And the truth is, we didn’t have great examples of marriage before us when we were younger. As a married couple, we learned some things by watching educational marriage videos. But we learned even more through trial and error. … [Read more...]
3 Things You Should Never Ever Say to Your Husband
After 8 years of marriage and more than 20 years of friendship, my husband and I have had our share of ups and downs. We have a good thing going, but neither of us is perfect. We’ve each made mistakes, for sure. And what keeps us together and happy is not just how we manage things when mistakes occur, but It’s also how we treat each other at all times. I always knew that I … [Read more...]
6 Ways to Apologize if You’re Not Good at Apologies
You aren't perfect. And neither is anyone else for that matter. As humans we do things out of emotion, from our hearts and not necessarily our minds. The funny thing is, we do that pretty often... make mistakes that is. Sometimes your own "stinking thinking" causes you to disappoint your spouse. And other times you just don't know the right things to do in certain situations. … [Read more...]
3 Keys to Having Tough Conversations with the One You Love
One of the things I hear a lot from couples who have communication issues is that they don’t know how to have the tough conversations. We are, often, so concerned about a reaction or about someone’s feelings, that we don’t have the capacity to have a conversation in love that’s best for everyone involved. And we're so focused on how things are being said, that we never really … [Read more...]
Was I Wrong for Not Wanting My Wife to Talk to Her Ex-boyfriend After 19 Years?
True story. I’m working from home today. My wife of 19 years, who’s also working from home, comes into my office to chit-chat. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then she hits me with… "Do you mind if I talk to Mitchell?" I take off my glasses, swivel from my computer, and give her the ‘serious face’ look. Cuz…ain’t but one Mitchell for which that question applies. Her … [Read more...]
If You’re Tired of Complaining to Your Spouse, Try These 3 Things Instead
We all have something to complain about: Too short, too big, inconsiderate, self-centered, you never cook, not enough money, never home, workaholic, drinks too much, plays video games too much, she spends too much money, he doesn't have a job, not enough sex, talks too much, doesn't communicate... I have found that having something to complain about is the easy part. … [Read more...]
Before You Call It Quits, 10 Steps that Could Save Your Marriage from Divorce
By Benjamin and Alisha Walker One of our mantras is divorce is not an option. We wrote a blog post called 12 ways to have a loving marriage, at the top of the list is divorce is not an option. But what if it really is? What if the relationship you are in has gotten so bad, that you just can't take it? How do you handle that? Where does that conversation begin and with … [Read more...]
6 Reasons Why Your Children Should See When Mommy and Daddy Have Disagreements
I've heard quite a few couples say they never disagree in front of their children. And I'm always curious as to why not. I know the goal for most parents is to protect and shield their children from the harsh realities of life. They want them to remain children and not get too involved in grown folks’ business. I understand. I'm similar in that I don't want my daughters to … [Read more...]
The Easiest Way to Improve Communication and End Arguments Faster but You Ain’t Trying to Hear It
One of the biggest challenges in marriage is that we don't listen well enough. We have opinions, ideas, facts and information we need to share. And many times, our points of reference feel so much more important than listening to how our spouse is feeling. Sometimes, we can pretend we hear the other person, just to get to the part of the conversation where we can talk. But … [Read more...]
The 6 Biggest Relationship Killers for Seemingly Perfect Couples
[tps_header]Can we keep it real for a second? Stop expecting a perfect relationship out of imperfect people!! The elephant in the room when it comes to relationships is that, NO, they are not as perfect as they look on Facebook and, YES, we all go through some of the same types of issues. I have noticed in my years that one of the things that keeps people from working though … [Read more...]
3 Ways to Instantly Improve Communication with Your Spouse
I’ve been a little cranky lately. I am woman enough to admit that. I’m pregnant, I have a lot on my plate, and every time I open my eyes, it feels like someone in my family (immediate and extended) needs me for something. It’s a lot. And when I get cranky, I can also admit that my poor husband has to deal with some of that. He handles it like a champ most of time—especially … [Read more...]
5 Things that Will Ruin Your Ability to Communicate with Your Spouse
When I started dating my husband years ago, I remember getting so mad when he didn’t feel like discussing an issue that came up. I would keep asking questions and pushing the issue until he said something. The thing is, that rarely got me anywhere. He would get annoyed and shut down even more, and I would get angrier and ask more questions—until I realized I was talking to … [Read more...]