The truth is, we will have conflict in marriage. It’s normal. Conflict is a disagreement caused by varying opinions. No two people have the same opinion all the time, even if you are husband and wife. However, conflict can be healthy when you decide to stand together and wage war on the problem, not on each other. Here are 10 Godly ways to resolve conflict starting … [Read more...]
Communication
Help! My Wife Goes Ballistic About Everything; and I’m Thinking of Divorce
Dr. Buckingham I have been following you on Black and Married with Kids for sometime now, and I appreciate the advice that you provide to singles and couples. I was hesitant to write you, but I broke down because I am very close to leaving the woman I swore to love forever. My wife and I have been married for 10 years, and I have been dealing with her out of control … [Read more...]
Help! My Husbands Says I’m Nagging, so How Can I Express Myself Better?
Dear Dr. Buckingham, My husband and I are going through some things, and I do not know what to do. We argue on a regular basis because both of us feel invalidated. I often tell my husband that he does not listen to me, and he tells me the same thing. To be honest, I grew up in a house where my three older brothers would shut me down, so I never really learned how to … [Read more...]
When Just Hearing Your Spouse Out, Isn’t Enough. 5 Fail-Safes to Avoid Ugly Arguments
Are you hearing or are you listening to your spouse? (Or, as Birdman would say: Is you hearing or is you listening?) Jokes aside, the two sound the same, right? But there is a difference between the two. Yes, a big difference. Think back to the last argument you had with your spouse. If you're anything like me, I'm sure you've said the infamous words, "I HEAR YOU!" And … [Read more...]
Is Your Marriage Sending You to an Early Grave? 3 Things to Do About It
When you got married, the minister may have decreed this statement, “…in sickness or in health, till death due you part.” But what if your marriage is actually causing your sickness? By studying short spats between couples researchers can predict the development of health problems over 20 years. Well, did you know heated arguments with your spouse can predict your future … [Read more...]
Does My Husband Have the Right to Be Selfish if I Make More Money Than Him?
Dear Dr. Buckingham I’ve been married for two years to a wonderful man. I love him very much. I make significantly more money than my husband, which isn't a problem for me, but it seems to be a problem for him. I am a pretty low-maintenance wife. I don't require a lot to be happy, but my husband does not buy me anything. I'm not even sure he thinks about buying me anything. … [Read more...]
5 Common Mistakes Wives Make When They Want Better Communication
Common concerns in some marriages are that women desire better communication and husbands desire more intimacy. Would you agree? Each of these areas are crucial to a healthy marriage, so both partners have to be mindful when it comes to making them happen more frequently. Husbands typically want their wives to desire them a little more and actually want to be intimate with … [Read more...]
5 Communication Tactics that Could Destroy Your Marriage, #5 Is the Deadliest
A common complaint from married folks is lack of communication with our spouse. However, we communicate with our spouses all day every day. Talking, arguing and even the silent treatment is a form of communication. It’s not all good communication, but what we say, do, don’t say and don’t do conveys messages. According to Merriam Webster the definition of communication is … [Read more...]
Single Ladies: Keep It Real, Not Rude. Get What You Want Without Offending Your Man
Meet Natalie. She doesn't feel comfortable with a man kissing her on a first date, but when the last guy tried it, she just didn't say anything. She asked me, "How do I tell him without him thinking I'm being rude?" Pamela has a different communication issue. The man she's been seeing for a few months stopped calling her. The last time they talked, he told her that he could … [Read more...]
Has the Communication Died in Your Marriage? 5 Ways to Bring it Back to Life
Unfortunately, a large number of couples have difficulty communicating effectively. Some have given up communicating altogether and live silently within their marriage. It must feel quite awkward to share a home, perhaps have a family and not speak to the person you were once crazy about. Life happens, feelings change, emotions surface and a couple’s communication usually … [Read more...]
Men, You’re Grown; Why Can’t You Tell Us What You Want in a Relationship?
Note: this post is a generalization and does not represent all men or all women. I recently hosted a real talk relationship series, and there was one proverbial question, which was asked repeatedly by female attendees: What do men want? We all know that there is a divide between the sexes. However, when it comes to relationships, there is a major disconnect that hinges … [Read more...]
Are You a Good Communicator? Side-Eyes Won’t Cut It; 6 Things That Will
Sometimes, when my husband does something that gets on my nerves, I give him the side-eye. Is that the best way to communicate how I feel? Probably not, but sometimes it’s juts the first reaction I have. I know I’m not the only one. We are at a point in our relationship where my husband knows what that look means without me having to say much, but even with that, the look … [Read more...]
Stop Obeying Your Wife: 4 Important Clues in Discerning Your Wife’s Preferences
I was talking to Brent, a husband of four years. He was complaining about how his wife, as he put it, "be trippin’." He was frustrated with how his wife kept upping the ante of things she wanted him to do. “As soon as I do one thing she asks, she’s quick to add on something else. I told her, ‘just give me a list of what you want so I can know what you want me to do…and do … [Read more...]
His Biggest Fan or His Greatest Critic; Is It Cool to Criticize Your Man?
Criticizing is one of those things we can do without realizing it. It can be disguised with phrases like – "I was only trying to help," "someone needs to tell you" or, my all-time favorite: "I just want things to be excellent." Criticism is accusatory. It finds fault. It is disapproving. None of these things are uplifting to your marriage. It’s funny; the ones we love the … [Read more...]