Marriage isn’t easy and I’m sure many of you know that. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a happy home where both parties are truly getting what they need from each other. In many cases, this harmony between a couple is not being achieved which opens the door to many things such as cheating. The day you find out that your partner has cheated on you can be extremely difficult to handle. You may have always had a hunch or you may never have seen it coming. Either way you may be devastated and trying to figure out where do you go from here. You wonder if you can really stay in this relationship with them? Can things ever get better and back on the right track? Can you forgive them when they have hurt you this bad?
Let’s start with forgiving them. Yes, you can forgive them and yes there may be hope. You give forgiveness because it is best for you. Holding on to the pain of what has occurred does nothing but create more pain and disappointment moving forward. It eats away at you. And whether you realize it or not, it hinders you in your life on a regular basis…Not to mention the fact that we all make poor decisions. This isn’t to minimize the seriousness of cheating but the reality is that we have all done something to hurt others whether we realize it or not. Forgiveness is freedom and many people are living in shackles wondering why things aren’t getting better in their life. Holding on to negative energy will lead you to operate in a negative manner and receive negative results. You may not forget but the power is in your hands to forgive and let it go. This will allow you to move in a better direction with or without that person.
When you forgive a person that does not mean you need to still be with that person. The reality is that if cheating has occurred, then there is an issue in the relationship or with that person. Either way, there is an issue that needs to be addressed and forgiveness is just the first step. Many people get cheated on and then the cheater says I’m sorry, begs to be taken back, and then the person who was cheated on eventually takes them back and tries to “move past it”. Well YOU CAN’T! Not if you aren’t going to sit down and truly discuss why the cheating happened, what may be wrong in the relationship, and how these things will be avoided moving forward.
Having that necessary discussion (in a positive manner) will help you understand what fed into that person cheating. You can then properly evaluate it you two can fix this and put in the necessary effort. If that isn’t going to happen, then taking them back becomes pointless. Don’t overlook the fact that some situations can be fixed with proper communication, while others need to be recognized as a relationship that would be best to end. No matter what it is, you have to try to talk about it in a calm and receptive manner. Attacking them out of anger (that is why forgiveness is the first step) will only create a situation where an honest and open discussion will be difficult to have. So truly address the issue and then based on that conversation determine if being together is possible and something that can be worked out.
Nobody likes the idea of being cheated on. It sucks and having to face that situation will always be difficult. Do not allow the pain of cheating to cloud your judgment. Always take a step back, remember to forgive, and then properly address/discuss the situation. Proper communication is always a good thing… so embrace it even in moments like this. If needed, involve a third party such as a counselor, coach, pastor, etc to help facilitate this process. How others view you and your situation should not matter. This is between you and your partner, but do not be foolish to think that blowing up on them and walking away is going to solve anything. Neither will acting like you’re “over it” or trying to ineffectively “move past it”. Take a more positive open minded approach and you will get the results that are best for you…even if they aren’t what you had once hoped for them to be.
BMWK – what approach have you taken to overcome broken trust in your marriage?