by Eric Payne Most men in the married lane understand the following statement when it is spoken by their wives: "If you loved me, you'd do what I asked..." What leaves many men bewildered, dazed and often angered is the same statement with the unspoken directive (in parentheses below) attached to it: "If you loved me you'd do what I asked (when I asked)." Through my very … [Read more...]
What Makes a Man?
by Eric Payne Is a man determined by... His swagger? The clothes he wears? The way he answers (or doesn't answer) questions? The shoes he wears? The car(s) he drives? The fact that he doesn't care about his shoes or car(s)? The fact that he does? How much money he makes? How much money he doesn't? The house he owns or the crib he rents? The … [Read more...]
Wives on Wives: A Wife Is A Woman Who…
by Eric Payne Last week on my blog and on its accompanying Facebook Fan page I asked married, female readers to finish the following sentence: "A wife is a woman who _____________." The response was strong and varied, ranging from the deeply spiritual to the comical and without a doubt some comments leaned toward the negative. The following is a list of ten comments from … [Read more...]
Romantic Sex Vs Unromantic Sex: Does It Matter?
by Eric Payne A recent Washington Post article on sex and relationships written by Ellen McCarthy argues that those who wait to have sex love longer and stronger. The article showcases a study who's findings indicate that those couples who begin their relationships based purely on the physical (nonromantic) may not be so thrilled about that special someone over the long haul … [Read more...]
Understanding The Tough Guy
By Eric Payne Last week I wrote about Making Enemies Out of Friends With Your Words. The intent of this article was to warn and/or remind people to be careful of how they speak while venting in anger/emotional distress and who they speak to. I asserted that in speaking negatively of the one you love you may inadvertently turn a friend into an enemy of your relationship. To … [Read more...]
Making Enemies Out Of Friends With Your Words
by E. Payne Soon after my second child was born I had a falling out with my best friend over a nasty falling out he had with the woman who would eventually become my wife. The why, the when and the where are irrelevant at this point. I wasn't even around when it happened. What actually did matter was that my friend assumed he could speak to me about her as negatively as he … [Read more...]
How To Love The Child You Have vs. The Child You Want
by Eric Payne It's easy to love your cuddly, wuddly baby/toddler/lil' girl/lil' man. But once that gift from heaven becomes a teenager, oftentimes the game changes completely. Recently I was talking about teenage boys with a mother I met at a birthday party both our daughters were attending. We commiserated at length about our two boys', both of whom are fifteen. Their … [Read more...]
No Wedding, No Womb: Fear, The Fatherhood Killer
by Eric Payne Portions of this No Wedding No Womb Post have been excerpted from the forthcoming book, Bottom Line Fatherhood, by Eric Payne. A Baby Was Going To Ruin Everything I was hardly happy when I was told I was going to have a child. In fact, I nearly had a panic attack. My stomach tightened. My mouth dried out. My heart pounded out against my rib cage and … [Read more...]
Rejection of Correction
by Eric Payne Being Wrong Vs. Being Wrong When my daughter and I are alone together and she does something wrong, I correct her and for the most part, she takes the correction. When I'm with my son and I need to school him on a mistake he's made, more times than not he absorbs what I have to say, or at least he acts like he does. But a funny thing happens when if the … [Read more...]
Friends Of Your Marriage
by Eric Payne I recently had the pleasure of meeting the male mind behind Black And Married With Kids dot com, Mr. Lamar Tyler. During our lunchtime summit on all things Black, Married and Kids, he casually dropped a term that hit me like a bag of bricks: A Friend of Your Marriage. I didn't need any explanation from him to know exactly what he meant. There are times when … [Read more...]
So You Want Love, Do You?
by Eric Payne Adapted from the post "What Is Love?" originally posted at MakesMeWannaHoller.com Dear Wanter of Love, You want love so bad, you can taste it. You want love because it is so necessary for your life. You want love because you deserve it. But do you even know what I am? Can you comprehend the stuff I'm made of? Do you know what love feels, … [Read more...]
justStepdad: The Dad Who Gets To Choose
By Eric Payne Portions of this post originally appeared at MakesMeWannaHoller.com. "Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who … [Read more...]
Blended Families Week: Playing 2nd Fiddle To Another Man’s (or Woman’s) Child
By Eric Payne Those who follow my blog, MakesMeWannaHoller.com, know that I've got a 14 year old and a 4 year old and most days I'm up to my eyeballs with the two of them. Some days, my 4 year old girl shows me myself when I was a little boy growing up. Sometimes she does so with such accuracy, it's as if I'm looking into a mirror of my past. My son is a different story. I … [Read more...]
Dad – As Easy As A, B, C: Part Two
By Eric Payne Picking up where we left off from Part One of this two part series, here are my last few tips for fathers --- alphabet style! Nobody's perfect. This includes us Dads. Don't waste time beating yourself up when you make a mistake. Own up to them, learn from them and proceed with life. Opportunities --- creating them in the face of any and all things that … [Read more...]
Dad – As Easy As A, B, C: Part One
By Eric Payne Most of us know that it doesn't take much to make a baby. But becoming a father is a process --- a conscious decision one makes and sticks to for the long haul, for better and worse. Although it would be nice, you don't have to have big muscles, be made of steel or be able to leap tall buildings or dodge bullets. You can be short, tall, skinny or fat. Being … [Read more...]