I love my husband dearly, but sometimes I need some space. And sometimes he does too. One of the biggest misconceptions about marriage is that you have to always be under each other. Imagine the energy and paranoia that comes from trying to keep your spouse on a short leash. Where is she/he? Where have you been? Why did you leave me? How come you don't want me to … [Read more...]
This Is For The Married Folks: STUDY YOUR SPOUSE
We study for exams in school. We study for a driving test. We study for a job interview. We study for anything that requires more knowledge than we already have. And why do we study? Because we want to perform well and present ourselves as competent. The same should be true in a relationship. Ladies, we should study the man in our lives. Take notes of his likes and … [Read more...]
Music Can Minister To Your Marriage
Music has a powerful way of connecting people, especially when they love each other. In my marriage, music ministers to our union. It has prevented breakups. Helped in makeups. Released tension. And, inspired forgiveness. Similar to many couples, we have our pick of "baby making" songs and slow-dance favorites. I can't imagine our relationship without music. It reminds us of … [Read more...]
We’ve All Seen That Couple
We've all seen that couple at a nearby restaurant table, sitting in silence with tension, anger, and sadness seated like uninvited guests --guests who refuse to leave until someone is mature enough to apologize. I recognize that couple because my husband and I have been them on numerous occasions. However, after 16 years of marriage, we don't allow problems to progress to … [Read more...]
20 Questions To Ask A Potential Spouse
Now that I have a daughter, I can see myself questioning her male friends when they come to the house to date her. When I was a teenager, I didn't like it when my dad and brothers did it, and I am sure my daughter will be embarrassed when her father and I subject her dates to similar scrutiny. But 20 questions shouldn't end once she matures into adulthood and can date whomever … [Read more...]
Everybody Won’t Be Happy Because You Are Happy
One of the biggest letdowns after getting married is realizing that everybody isn't happy that you are happily married. The bachelor and bachelorette parties, the showers, the beautiful wedding, and the laughter-filled reception make the fantasy of getting married come alive. All seems well after the honeymoon "“that is until people start getting in your business and causing … [Read more...]
Watch And Pray For Our Children
My daughter is only 6 years old, yet I find myself teaching her "the rules" without even knowing it. "The Rules" are do's and don'ts for African Americans living in a racist society. My parents taught me "the rules" because they knew what the world was like for African Americans. They experienced it going to segregated schools and serving in a segregated military. They lived … [Read more...]
Eat What’s On Your Plate Or Don’t Eat At All
Eat what's on your plate. You are not eating cereal. You cannot have a sandwich. Either eat what I cooked or don't eat at all. Do those words sound familiar? My mama only had to say them a few times for me and my brothers to realize she was serious. Nowadays parents put two or three different meals on the table just to satisfy everybody's taste. When my 6-year-old tried to … [Read more...]
What’s Truly Beautiful About A Mate
From the time we are little girls, we learn that looks matter. The pretty girls are treated differently in school"“by teachers and by boys. And the same continues throughout college and even in the workforce, maybe in our own families. Outward appearance dominates our culture. It can get so bad that we begin to compare ourselves to other women and wonder why men don't find us … [Read more...]
How To Know If He’s “The One”
How did you know your husband was "the one"? I get this question a lot. My initial response is this: "You just know." But that answer never seems to satisfy the woman asking the question. So, I try and try again to explain what it feels like to be certain that you are marrying the right person. As I reflected on my courting and engagement years, I was able to compile a … [Read more...]
You Knew That Before You Got Married, So Why Are You Trippin’?
"I was like this before we married, so why are you trying to change me now?" Have you heard these words before? Maybe you have even said them. There are some behaviors we learn about our spouses after we say the vows, and then there are other behaviors that can't be labeled as surprises. If we are honest with ourselves, we knew our spouses' issues and idiosyncrasies before … [Read more...]
Remember Where You Came From And Who Was With You Through It All
There was a time when my husband and I ate off of the dollar menu at McDonald's. And when we slept on a mattress on the floor. When we opted for rabbit ears instead of cable to save money for gas. When we used popsicles to cool off in the summer heat because we couldn't afford an air conditioner. We worked jobs we were over qualified for and drove cars that required too much … [Read more...]
Chase God, Not A Spouse
During my freshman year in college, I made the mistake of chasing a man. My first serious boyfriend broke my heart when he started to shun me and even flaunt other girls in front of me. For two months, I chased him in mind and body. I was consumed with making him mine, until I realized how pitiful and desperate I had become. I was worth more than that"”more than chasing after … [Read more...]
What Makes My Man Sexy
Who would have thought a black man leaving home for work in the morning would be a turn on? Lately, I've been checking my man out on the way out the door. He's dressed nicely, smells good, and determined not to be late. It's the same routine Monday "“ Friday, yet I'm not feeling the same way I felt about it before we married. While dating, my boyfriend (now husband) and I … [Read more...]
Affairs Don’t “Just Happen”
It just happened. We didn't mean to fall in love with each other. One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were in bed together. I tried to stop the phone calls and text messages, but I couldn't. It really was innocent. We started off as friends. It's not like I intended to cheat on you. It just happened. I know every marriage is different, and you might have a … [Read more...]